Monday, 20 February 2012

The cursed blog

I have come to the conclusion that this blog is cursed! Why? I hear you all ask, well it's this simple. ...... i mentioned tonight that I have a yummy new man in my life, however since this post went live things have been a bit odd, so either he's seen the post and freaked out, or this blog is cursed and I should just stop talking about people on it. I'm going with the latter. I don't like disagreeing with people or having misunderstandings, because they suck. and they make me all sad inside.
I know I'm crazy and I know I'm not perfect, I'm a lot of things infact. Some of those things are bad things, like my over analysing everything, paranoid and to a large extent untrusting. But I know I have my good side, in care about people, I don't like to see people I care about in pain, and when I've done something wrong, tell me, so it can be put right.
Sitting here now, the world seems to be moving at a different pace to me, I can't keep up with it and I'm struggling to find a voice to write in, and struggling to find the words to write and moreso find the words that will make this evening right. and make better what's gone so wrong.
There really are two sides to every story. and more parts to those two sides. My side part one, I'm an idiot, I shouldn't ove analyse and I should fight to make this right, but don't know how. Part two, I'm an idiot for opening up and believing in what was before me. And I should have fought the feelings from the start.  Which do you think is right?
Feeling this dejected is never a good thing, especially when you don't know what you can do to sort it out and make it right without coming off as a complete nutter. Do I stay in the faith that everything will work out in the end? Or that everything happens for a reason? I wish I had the answer, cos I sure as hell hate feeling like this. And I just wish, sometimes I had the ability to hide the crazy, and be calmer.

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