Tuesday, 24 January 2012

two months on

Today marks the two month anniversary of me being dumped. Whoever said it'd be better by now was talking utter bollocks. I still feel low and betrayed.. None of this is helped by sucky friends. I asked 2 people for help yesterday, I've never asked either of them before but I'm expected to dust them off when their shit goes arse up. Guess what. They both said NO to me. so they've made the "cut tossers out my life" list. Yet one person who has never asked me for anything helped me. The lovely Miss Laura Cox came to my aid and we had therapeutic texts. For that I am very grateful. So thank-you.
One thing I have discovered this week also, is what utter liars people are. My so called friend is apparently spinning me a line. It would be nice if they grew a pair and admitted they'd been telling me naughty fibs. I deserve the truth.We promised to always tell each other the truth about everything. Now it seems I'm not worth something I was once promised. I'm deeply hurt that they can't be honest with me. Deeply hurt. It would be nice for them to feel like our friendship meant enough to be honest. I'm not stupid, I know, I just need to hear it come out your mouth.
If it was me lying to you, you'd be hurt, and you'd wonder why i couldn't come to you and tell you the truth.

two months on, and I'm in this rut, maybe its time now, to stop being everyone else's doormat and start being who I want to be, starting with the truth from people and carry on cutting the tossers out.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

New Year

After a month of pain I know now I must move on with my life, and make this better in some way. The pain can only heal if move on with my life and let time heal me. The hardest thing I've ever had to do is move on from him and accept the fact that we are not together. I feel like I'm made of china right now and I'm speeding toward a brick wall. And we all know what happens when china hits a brick wall.
If i could wave a magic wand and take my pain away I would.
I used to believe that karma was real, and that when you died you moved on and you get what you give out, ghosts were real, and that there was more to this world than what we see, but the past months events and how increasingly bad it is becoming I have realised that no way on earth is an of that true. I tried to pull myself together, but then on Wed 21st Dec I was thrown straight back thanks to the actions of an inconsiderate jerk, and his total disregard for my feelings and morality. (Not the man, this was a random strange man and his actions are too painful to put on here)
So it must be true that what i believed is rubbish or I would have been saved from that pain and that experience.
Maybe it is time to go blonde?